We do more cuckoo clocks than anything else – modern or old. We got into it about 15 years ago, and because it became a specialisation, work pours in. Anything from a 1980’s 2 weight mechine to this “best ever” Tripple fusee black forest victorian cuckoo.

It was a very difficult job but we did it and we were the only people who would take it on. This is hardly surprising as the clock is almost a “one off”. I imagine there are other machines out there with the same feature set (and finely carved/produced) but this is the first one I have seen in almost 20 years. I thought I had bragging rights with my 1860 Dresden table standing cuckoo clock, but this is a country mile ahead of it. Im not going to publish a shot from the front because I have not yet asked the owners permission, however, and rather anonymous shot of the mechanics should be fine and tell the story.

There are 3 gear trains and 3 bellows. This drives two cuckoos on independent synchronised chiming for both the quarter and full hours. This is not something Ive seen on a wooden cage movement before and for good reason. Its complicated!. Cuckoo clocks tend towards simplicity in what they do but this one is as much of a computer as anything Tompion made in my opinion.

You dont really need to understand how it works to appreciate its early complex engineering so I will leave you with a picture to drool over.

Thats the preparation and laquer bench by the way – not the work station!.

I work for quite a few absolutely minted individuals – probably because Im a good deal less expesive than central London and have a good reputation.

I have done more gravel driveway miles than Macadam (1756 – 1836). The people I meet tend to be quite exceptional for one reason or another.

I recieve a call, the normal thing.

“My clock has stopped”

“ok no problem – give me some details on what and where and Ill tell you if we can help”.

“its on the wall and it loses 15 minutes a day and stops sometimes. The clock cant be moved so we can come and pick you up and take you to it”

“No problem, see you on Monday”.

Monday came and so did the client. I was driven to what I can only assume is Batmans house. It featured more land than a reservoir, an impressive black iron gate, a drive so long you could not see the house at the end of it and some stables. We arrived a the house after the safari down the drive and arrived at the mansion. I unpacked and asked where the clock was. The customer looked up and so did I. The “clock” was a tower clock – a full on church washing machine sized movement. I wasnt really surprised to be fair but had expected something indoors that looked like a church organ.

I got on with the inspection and assessment but needed to pay a visit. The customer showed me the smallest room and I went through.

Now, on my bathroom wall I have a bronze swimming certificate and picture. On his bathroom wall he had a massive poster with period script… an MBE. I know two customers with OBE’s now, one an explorer and the more recent, a really top man who did 20 years in unpaid charity work (and found the time to keep a stately home running and a full time job).

I think the other chap kept his next to the throne as well.

Tomorrow George is coming in with a £50 clock he loves and wants kept going in his retirement. We are just normal people at Braintree Clock Repairs, and through the right glasses, everyone else is too.

Firstly, Thanks to Phil you have another really good article by and experienced museum restorer. I can tell you for a fact that these Viennas are always ALWAYS troublesome. They feature a low power deadbeat escapment on a simple but fine movement in most instances. As an amateur is just a bridge to far but if you are going in with a scredriver in your mouth like a commandos dagger then pay attention to clock SAS phil who will lead your four man patrol. So cam up and prepare for your mission briefing. Your sanity will be sent back to your family covered in a flag should you fall. Probably. Or the loony bin. Over to Phil..

Hi again, it’s Phil here. Justin very kindly lets me submit an occasional “guest blog”, and this summer I took a few days off from my voluntary work as Volunteer Horologist at the Black Country Living Museum to devote some time to restoring a lovely clock I was given a while ago – an 1885 Concordia twin-weight Vienna Regulator. 

In February 2023, Justin posted a really descriptive blog about Vienna Regulators, how he loathes them and how they are very difficult to service – at a predictable and profitable cost – and I don’t propose to repeat any of that. As a result of reading Justin’s blog, however, I was pre-warned, so I approached this clock of mine with some trepidation. Justin’s conclusion that you need a degree of horological expertise before owning a Vienna is absolutely correct!

I was given the clock in March 2023 by a generous Repair Cafe customer, because it had fallen off the wall, a fate seemingly quite common with these big heavy wall clocks, and the owner felt the cost of a professional repair would be prohibitive. The wooden pendulum rod was snapped in two right across the crutch slot, the base of the case had snapped clean off, several mouldings and small pieces of trim were missing, most of the finials were loose and a number of joints in the case structure had split apart. Remarkably, the glass panels and the decorative crown were still intact. Hoping for a quick fix (one will come to me some day, eventually, but this wasn’t it) I repaired the pendulum rod with epoxy resin, and when it had eventually cured I set the clock up and tried it. Nothing… it ran sluggishly for barely one revolution of the escape wheel, ticking feebly, then stopped, suggesting a lot of dirt and friction in the pivots. 

[Justin: If I had that description for a job quotation I would have to differenciate between my contact telephone number and the price. Phil is clearly a maniac. Love it – fantastic]

Fast forward a couple of years and I recently got round to looking at the clock. I spent some time studying the operation of the strike release and locking mechanism, as it’s quite different from conventional rack striking. Rather than falling onto the snail by gravity, the rack tail is pressed upwards by a spring and contacts the snail from below. I took some photos of the way the components were planted. I also spent a lot of time storing and labelling all the tiny pins, screws and other parts from the front plate in the sequence I’d removed them. Then it was time to split the plates, which I did very gingerly – no surprises, thankfully – and systematically removed the train wheels and other components, taking a photo after each step. I used to do this every time when I started out on clocks nearly ten years ago, but let it lapse as I gained experience. However this was my first-ever Vienna, and I wanted a clear record of the order and placing of all the arbors. 

As Justin said, with the front plate removed the two-train movement looks deceptively uncomplicated, but the pivots are hardened and tiny at 0.5mm diameter. The going side has maintaining power, so I dismantled both great wheel and winding drum assemblies to clean and service the click springs and ratchets, as well as to replace the gut lines. The dead-beat Vulliamy escapement had been “messed-with”, something all clock repairers dread, as the double-ended pallets had been reversed due to wear, and one of the pallet clamping screws had been inserted cross-threaded. I managed to re-insert this screw properly and clamp the pallet tight, fortunately without disturbing its position. Adjusting Vulliamy pallets is never easy – I’ve had to do it only once, on a 400-day clock, and I’d prefer to avoid doing it again if at all possible. The whole movement was very dirty and oily, so the plates went into clock cleaning fluid, and the wheels and arbors went into my small domestic ultrasonic. Part-way through the process I gave everything a careful rub with 0000-grade wire wool. After finally rinsing in hot water and drying, the brass parts were gleaming, and I had no excuse to delay reassembly… starting by fitting new 0.8mm gut lines, which on this movement can only be done when the plates are apart. 

I polished the pallets and pivots and pegged out the pivot holes, not easy as they’re so small, and refitted the train wheels. On the strike side, it’s essential to place the wheels as they would be positioned at the end of a run, with the hammer tail having just dropped off a lifting pin and with the warning wheel pin having over half a turn to run. I’ve struggled with these issues on some American clocks in the past, but luck and good fortune were on my side this time, as once the plates were back together – being very careful with those tiny pivots – the strike train worked perfectly first time. Planting the cannon pinion and intermediate wheel gave me more difficulty. The cannon pinion carries a pin that advances the snail, via a star wheel with a spring-loaded detent, as the hour approaches. The intermediate wheel sits above and meshes with the cannon pinion, and carries two pins on its front, one to release the strike for the half-hour positioned nearer the wheel’s centre, and the second for the hour 180 degrees apart nearer the wheel’s rim. The pins lift and release the lifting lever to initiate the warning and the strike on the hour. Plus the square for the minute hand needed to hold the hand at 12 when the hour strike releases… Getting all these into the right places took me some time, as the hour wheel has to be in place on the cannon pipe before the cock holding the intermediate wheel’s front pivot can be fitted. Fiddly and awkward, but ultimately completed successfully. 

I spent some time adjusting the pendulum, which wanted to swing in an ellipse. Obviously the clock’s fall from the wall had stressed the pendulum and its hanging components. On and off, this took most of a day till I was satisfied that the pendulum hung plumb and swung in a single plane. 

The clock ran perfectly once I’d reassembled it and lubricated everything. I was a bit concerned about the small amplitude of swing, but that is apparently normal for many Viennas as the pallets span 11 or 12 EW teeth. The overswing is plentiful, which is my criterion for a good working escapement. I use the ‘slow-motion’ video feature on my iPhone (other smartphones are available) to see the overswing clearly. 

A lot of thought must have gone into the design of the Vienna Regulator. One thing I didn’t realise was that the weights descend at exactly the same rate; some careful calculations involving drum diameters and gear ratios must have been done to achieve this nice feature. One odd thing common to many Viennas is that the subsidiary “seconds hand” is no such thing! Although the dial is marked from 0 to 60, this dial is actually counting ticks, not seconds, as the hand rotates once every ~45 seconds driven by its 30-tooth escape wheel. All Viennas (the weight-driven ones) also seem to have a very subdued tone to the strike, the spiral gong not being strident but still quite audible. 

With the movement on the test stand and being regulated, I started on the case. The structural issues and split joints were rectified one-by-one using woodworking adhesive and clamps. The original seven missing pieces of trim looked like they were made of round-nosed hardwood either just over 8mm or just under 10mm thick, and I could find nothing like it in my favourite DIY store, so it was a case of making them from scratch. I had some lengths of ex-bed base beech slats which I was able to plane down to the right thickness, then sand to profile, cut using a mitre saw and glue into place. This alone took a whole day! I used black enamel brush-applied paint to colour in the new pieces. At a quick glance, these are indistinguishable from the originals. 

The clock now has pride of place in our living room. The important point to note is just how long this work took me, probably devoting three or four hours a day over the best part of a fortnight. As an amateur, much of this time is spent in studying and learning as I go along. I can only work as fast as my skills allow, and I can of course afford to take my time, whereas Justin as a professional not only has to work a lot more quickly, he is good as well, because it’s how he makes his living. This expertise comes from decades of experience which few amateurs can possess. And Justin was quite right when he said these clocks will refuse to work if you don’t speak to them nicely. After running perfectly for a whole week on the test stand, when I put the movement back into the case and hung it on the wall, it ran apparently fine, but inexplicably stopped during the night. Was it something I said, or the way I said it? Perhaps I should have wished it “gute Nacht” in German… but I restarted it the following day and it’s still going!

OK I just read that again and all things condired this is VC territory. Bang on with the process and the steps with good respect for the rattlesnake bite a clock like this gives you if you do all the right things in the wrong order. Perfect execution by Phil on a comprehensive mechanical resto. Some people may comment on the state of the pendulum bob. If yours is like this do not replace it. Firstly the new weight will mess up the power ratios and seconldy, authenticity is as important as condition with clocks. If you fit a new key component which looks the part (but isnt) a lot of the charm and the value of the clock evaporates.

I am delighted that Phil chooses to share his experience with us. If you have a similar story and love clocks please put it forward to me as a possible blog entry. I cant publish everyone without sort of ruining my site by turning into a magazine, however, I have always helped and encouraged other clock repairers who are getting a hold on things. The blog features mainly interest and, more importantly, self help articles. If you think you have something to contribute please let my know on whatsapp 07462 269529.

I despise computers. Its not that I dont understand them, its the reliability. This is as function of huge changes happening over identity and verification in all corners of the internet.

My mother passed on a few years ago and I changed part of my name to honour her. It felt great and the right thing to do. It came at an enormous and enlightening cost and that was time (ironically).

Just at the moment EVERYONE online wants to nail you to a plank with your straw man. Identity checks on owners of online assets such as websites, review engines, banks, are rampant. ANYONE who trades a quid on the internet is now subject to a full financial enema colonic. They really do look right up there – it feels like it and it is not pleasant.

For these reasons my website had to be down for 11 days and I didnt have any idea of a definite “if or when” things would be resolved. It just has been.

I owe you all another particularly good article from Phil at the Black Country Museum which will be up shortly..

Phil has been busy. I like his stuff and he’s one of those tenacious people who have what ot takes to do it right. Over to Phil..

Blog attached! Took me hardly any time at all…!

It’s been a while since I offered you anything in the way of a ‘blog’ for your excellent website. The truth is, most of my recent activities as Volunteer Horologist at the Black Country Living Museum have been relatively routine, involving repairs to conventional clocks which you cover in far more detail than I ever can. 

However over the past few months – one day per week – I’ve slowly been restoring a large and unusual three-dial electric turret clock dating from the very early 1930s. The clock once hung at the entrance to the Victoria Square tram and trolleybus terminus in Wolverhampton, where it acquired the nickname of “the three-faced liar” due to its tendency to indicate different times on all three dials. The clock was relocated to the Museum in the 1970s and apparently worked – sporadically – till around ten years ago. 

I’d been keen to get my hands on this turret clock for some time, as it’s quite an imposing showpiece and the only public clock on the site, but it was only earlier in 2025 that I persuaded the Museum to hoist me aloft in their ‘cherry picker’ to gain safe access to the clock and see if I could do anything with it. 

Behind each of the three two-feet-diameter backlit dials is a high-torque mains synchronous movement, which my research identified as the manually-started Gents C272 from around 1932. I picked the south-facing movement to service first as this is not in view to the majority of visitors, so I removed the hands, unbolted the movement and took it down to the workshop. 

Mechanically, the movement is a fine, strongly-built design with thick plates (and, incidentally, involute profile wheel and pinion teeth rather than cycloidal) which responded well to conventional dismantling and clock cleaning techniques. However, once reassembled, the 200 RPM synchronous motor proved difficult to start and tended to stop at the slightest provocation. I suspected that the magnetic field wasn’t strong enough. Measuring the DC resistance of the motor’s single coil showed a ominously low value of around 400 ohms, which suggested the coil may have had shorted turns. A second trip up in the ‘cherry picker’ was then necessary to measure the other two motor coils in-situ. Both measured 850 ohms, which at least confirmed my suspicions, and indicated that the remaining two motors were electrically okay at least. 

The faulty coil was sent away to be re-wound by a specialist, who reported back that the coil had been repaired previously, and that the inner half of the winding showed signs of burning. Sure enough, the re-wound coil measured around 750 ohms and, when fitted, the motor ran perfectly. A new earth wire was fitted and the motor was successfully PAT tested. 

At my third visit in the ‘cherry picker’ I removed the north-facing movement and replaced it with the one I’d just finished. The hands were re-sprayed in satin black to match the existing, refitted to the movement and the clock re-started. That was back in June, and it’s still going two months later…!

The second movement was now on the bench. As well as being filthy dirty, the rotor shaft was very loose in its ball bearings – it appeared that the shaft had been spinning inside the inner races, and its diameter had worn down – and rattled about so badly that apart from the loud buzzing noise, the drive end (where the rotor laminations spin between the pole pieces) was jumping about, causing greatly reduced torque. I obtained some new ball bearings (tiny, Imperial measurements 1/8” ID by 9/16” OD by 1/4” deep) which thankfully are still available from UK bearing suppliers, but was then faced with obtaining a tight sliding fit between the rotor shaft and the bearing. I was reluctant to use Loctite or similar, as the shaft has to be pushed through the bearing during assembly and I feared the locking compound would contaminate the ball race itself. In the end, I very carefully centre-punched the shaft at 90 degree intervals, forming tiny craters with raised edges which gripped the bearing perfectly. On reassembly, the motor ran smoothly and quietly and generated plenty of torque. It again passed a PAT test. 

Last week was my fourth trip up in the ‘cherry picker’ to reinstall the second overhauled movement, refit its newly-painted hands, and bring down the third and final movement for attention. The work involved should be a repeat of what I did to the second. We now have two of the three dials, both the ones visible to visitors, working and telling the correct time for the first time in over a decade!

Power cuts are mercifully rare, but despite these motors having resiliently-coupled flywheels which keep the rotors spinning at synchronous speed during very short outages, any power loss of more than about half a second will stop the clocks. Being hand-started, a journey up in the ‘cherry picker’ would then be needed to re-start the motors. Experiments with an inexpensive 650VA UPS of the type used with computers showed that this will keep the rotors turning at the correct speed, even during a longer power cut, so once the third motor is overhauled and refitted, I’ll do the work of rearranging the wiring within the turret to incorporate the UPS. This should reduce the need for site visits to twice per year for the GMT/BST time changes, as well as keeping the three dials in synchronism. The clock’s days of being a “three-faced liar” will hopefully be over!

Thanks Phil.

There are some days when I think I might be a bit player in Donalds Trumps virtual reality, and others where I am convinced I am. This is one of these days. Firstly. Increasingly we are getting work from Hong Kong for some reason. The last chap was a broker who wanted his office clock fixed. It was an electric ships bulkhead clock he had aquired cheaply because he had bought it early on and he just liked it. He brought the clock over and I had a look and quoted about £700 for the work which was not extensive, but very specialist as the clock was a 1967 transistor based unit. It used solenoids and gearing as well as pressure systems for barometrics and I think even time zones. At any rate it was impressive and I suspected it might be a “blue glow” clock. These are the clocks I get in which you just sort of get this psychic feeling that you are holding a bloody fortune. The owners are often surpised when I recognise the value on something people would not normally specifically differenciate on. Its about the precision of the engineering in relation to the age which always had a bleeding edge. So you get clocks with double fusees back to the Georgian period at a time when most fusees today are victorian. The georgian ones have opulence. They just reek of grandure, often in a contained or symetrical way and with really good curves worked into square panels. Engraving or incredible casting. With a double fusee running a balance wheel. It really is impressive. Anyway.

The customer got a phone call from us about his clock, the one with the ships clock I mean, it went “we have good and bad news. The good news is the clock owes us £700 so pony up sunshine (I think what I said was “the bill is £700 as quoted”), and the good news is your clock turns out to be incredibly rare. Without the back plate, which is missing, its still worth £13,000. It would have been 15k or more if you had the back plate”. His reply was “I have the back plate in my office drawer. Thank you for your service, I will pay you immediately”. And he was a nice chap as well. You just cant make it up. How does that happen to a man who probably owns a nice boat and not a poor granny. God has a sense of humour darker than we imagine I think.

Which brings me to acts of god. Not normally associated with clocks, but the picture at the start of this article shows what an act of god, namely a landslide somewhere near Hong Kong, does to a clock. It ducks it. Completely. And we, at Braintree Clock Repairs, just north of Asgard, have been asked to ressurect it. Literrally. This will be an unatural re-animation. God literally wanted this clock dead. But it wasn’t my god so I can do what I want. It might actually come down to compromise. You should see the face. I had a picture I will post when we have assessed this or done it.

What next? Something involving….whattt…hmmmmm….probably something rediculous. Almost certainly.

[C – N + V] x H = £

Thats the equation. The rest of this article describes the variables (equation variable types).

I get asked this question so frequently I have only one answer “which is It depends on how you feel about it really”. Well, this is not much of an aswer. I have therefore created, only god knows why, a mathematical method for you to immediately give yourself a chance of understanding what your clock means to you in £’s emotionally.

Its something along the lines of game theory. I only worked the equation backwards because that is how you follow a fault in computer code when the diagnostic functions of the computer do not solve a software “bug”. The origin of the term “bug” may amuse you if you look it up.

Anyway back on point.

Any equation has variables. For the sake of simplicty I kept this to the variables that are definitely identifiable for ANY customer. The variables are:

Variable N: The value of a New clock that you would be as pleased to own as your current vintage or anitique time measurer (note: does not apply to sundials – yes somebody did acually ring and ask if we did them – I almost said yes but realised I could damage something of value to somebody if I took a “first for everything” approach)

Variable V: The value of your clock in good mechanical and cosmetic order. Find out online. Sign up for about 30 quid to get accesss to value data if you feel your clock may be valuable.

Variablle C: The quite disgraceful Cost of having your clock repaired by us or anyone else for that matter.

Variable H: For Happy. This is how happy you would be to receive your original clock back in full working order. This variable is expressed as a percentage. It might be 100% delighted, 80% happy but its been three months since you saw it and when you opened the package you thought “oh great – mum will be happy about this”, 60% happy might be “Im still glad I did it but it was just a reacation to mums sudden passing. Still, I will always be remined of the conversations we had under that clock”

50% is basically no for us and you. We dont want you to be half sure you should be spending on our quote. Its counterproductive. Customers become edgy and chase for progress – they have what is known as buyers remorse. The lack of their clock is a constant reminder that they are going to owe pro money and they just want it done and dealt with so they dont have to to make allowance for it mentally.

So how do you tell if your over 50% into the project driver for you…. how do you work out if you are a no go and its not even worth picking up the phone. Its worth mentioning here that our customers find us competitive on price and many return with other clocks now we know them as friends or friendly aquantances. First name terms of engagement is standard unless you have another preference.

Here is a useful metaphor expressed in narrative.

You think “since the clutch on the car had to be paid, means this was a selfish two glasses of wine decision I got wrong. Ive, got all excited, but rather selfishly , spent half the holday money. Not sure I did he right thing there, but its done. Move on its time for you to put the kids to bed. Hmmm.. I really love those kids and now Ive got to cancel the family fun area pass we had planned for the local theme park. Lucky Ive got the unexpected car clutch cost fund to fall back on, I think I may be witnessing a family lynching from the the wrong end of the rope.”

You get the idea.

Now uderstand the last variable in the equation.

The last variable is £. This is the value, in pounds, of your emotional attachment to the clock repair. The secret to an accurate answer is to consider variable H by projecting your minds eye to the future. Live the moment you imagine. The rest of the variables take care of the £ variable (answer)

After all, what we are trying to do by assigning values to our variables is understand if its worth the money for you. What proportion of the expense is emotional value in your mind based on the costs involved.

The method for calculation, and the formula thereof is {Justins delusional Boast: “Thats Nobel prize language that is”}

[C – N + V] x H = £

It should have a variable called F wich would be a 1 or a zero, a boolian value. If you dont give an F about C or a bag of rats then you have already made you mind up to get the clock done whatever and you couldnt give one. If you set it to 0 then any value for £ become null. A constant almost. If the value of F as a multiplier was set to 1, then your £ result will be exactly what it had been F had not existed – accurate only to your input for the further variables you need to guess or establish.

You can apply this, as far as I can imagine, to any service you wish to need to get a quote for when buying something you need to get a quote for or put out to tender.

Incidentally we all know this is never going to be completely accurate for retail as a currency value. Firsty there is transport and parking fees. Then there is the annoyance that your club card is now a square QR code on the supermarket phone app. Because supermarkets are pretty much large reasonably effective faraday cages due to the wiring in the walls and static conductivity of the buildings steel framework. Your phone is therefore unable to pull up the app because it cant connect to the internet in a buiding accidentally designed as a giant signal umbrella – an electromagnetic bunker of sorts. Ive done this. I know. I ended up with a bill with no significant improval because I could not produce my right to clubcard discount I paid full price for everything. At this point I realised I was going to have to eat those bitter bitter cornflakes and be reminded that……blah blah. Denial. Im a genius. The supermarket is wrong etc.

Nobody sane (present ccompay excluded, and Im on my own) person would do this at a supermarket but it may help you get a keener sense of £’s value before you go on autopilot and simply sweep the shelves clean into the trolley. Do it on something like wether you are serving a roast chicken or a large joint of beef. If you dont already know the difference in cost you may as well stop reading now – your wasting your time reading this for retail strategy. {Justin Boost : Its probably worth reading the rest which deals with the sychology of the variables you understand and examines a gorrilla robbing a jewelers.}

I will leave you with one last thought. Every single time you spend, you spend emotionally. Inside you there is a gorilla with a Rolex in your subconcious. People, you people, me, everyone. When we DECIDE to spend money the situation is entirely emotionally controlled – not a balanced financial cost vs benefit analysis. I hate to tell you this but your finances are impirically linked to your thoughts and thus the emotions they create. Do you know if you are frugal and wise?, or an unaware consumer money waster. Niether probably. We are all triggered in your choice “to buy or not buy”.

Advertisers use this conversion of emotion to variable H based on promoting emotional purchase. They project values in their products that will produce a concious or subconcious emotion. For instance “BARGAIN” or “Your worth it” or you think conciously “mum would love that and ill never see another one again even at that high price”. The absolute worst of this are television fundraising adverts. They are pure emotional connection with you if you are a charity minded person. They show you images of plague, ill children – things that will not easily be forgotten because your brain is DESIGNED in such a way that the idexing system for your thoughts is not “retreive though 56,345,0080”, you mind is designed to index and priotise your thoughts by emotional index. Your decision to donate is, remember, an emotional one. So thats the button the advert producers press in you quite deliberately, not by “hey maybe we could show some horror and see if that works”. When the plan the advert they design it to press your buttons.

This is why I will never tell enquiries that their clock will be worth more after repair. Unless its really good one the service will not change its value in the least; in any signifcant way I mean. I tell them how to work the value out to them and then call back once they have had the method Ive detailed here verbally.

Life is about people and emotions not things. Things only have an emotional value to you which is then converted into pounds by my equation because thats the order we process things in. Try and put a Rolex on wild a gorrilla you will get the idea. That is of course before Sigourney Weaver leaves her sign language copy of Vogue up in the misty gorrilla habitat. I can honestly see a day when a gorrilla walks into a rolex store, goes to the counter, points to his chest, puts his fist through the counter grabbing a Rolex Explorer before men with nets turn up and say…. “I dont think it would be wise to sign language him for the rolex back. He seems to be signing is some sort of code. The first sign is F for mating copulation in the plural, and the second is a single letter A. He apears pleased. The third communication I can traslate is spelled “STRAP TOO SMALL. There were some further signs which indicate you will not see thaat rolex again. If you wish to arrest him call the police. That I would like to see. Oh monkey crap, hes heading for that beauty parlor and hes just signed what I believe was ‘I AM WORTH IT'”

Ive been no help really at all. You see I can tell when people want thier clock fixed – they always have a value for H variable of 100% and a value for F wich is 1, or rather conversely, not giving an F about C.

This has been great fun to write. You learn soooo much about people as a customer facing clock repair organisation owner (albeit of two full time and and one part time clocksters). We dont NEED your work, we operate under a roughly three month booked up diary of jobs. BUT, we want your work because we enjoy what we do and giving you that H factor at %100.

Give me a whatsapp or a call if you would like an estimate for values C, N, and V. 07462 269 529.

I just gave up on email enquiries. Too time consuming and 99% spam. This site is popular, if not exactly Amazon level popular but I know from its stats it get a huge volume of attention worldwide. This sounds great but it generates so much irrellevant advertising and scam links email is just not a cost effective method of communicating with my customers. My phone is under threat buy almost no malware and I am alerted instantly to your call or whatsapp. I may not aswer whatsapps of texts for a few days but it will be read and a response sent. If not give it a week, ring me, say youve sent me a whatsapp to which you have had no reponse and we can quickly and efficiently locate and discuss it there and then.

I want my Nobel prize for this. I will sell its because I dont need a medal. The award is independent of the trinket presented and stays with you for life. With the proceeds of sale, with an H factor of 100% and an F modifier of 1, I will proceed to Hatton Garden and Set Bo-Bo free to negotiate a price on 10 new rolexes which he, not I, will be expected to pay for. Imagine getting that job as a debt collection agent. I can imagine the call from the debt collection office to the baliff “Your first call today will be to collect payment of 10 Rolex watches from a Mr Bo-Bo at the famous Braintree Nobel Clock Repair Mega Corporation who are renting…lets see, Buckingham Palace. Watch out this Bo-Bo, hes a bit of a security gorrilla for Sir Justin Wayland Holt – you know the type, big build, wide, bit hairy” {Baliff} “Do I need a bit of muscle with me on this one?” {Operator} “…….might be a good idea but then again how goods your sign language and all our heavies have gone sick. Today for some reason. They were all at the weekly job allocation meeting and all went sick the next day when this visit was scheduled but not yet allocated. You will be fine – the detail would only bore you and we know your waiting to cash in your company pension that you are due to receive as a lump sum tomorrow almost certainly. Unless you die ha ha, dont worry” {Baliff} “what do you mean almost certianly? {Operator} “Must rush…} [CLICK dialtone].

I have to unpack and repack A LOT of cuckoo clocks. I need 100sq feet of commercial workshop space to store the materials and incoming boxes.

This precipitates from an enquiry during which I am freqmtly asked how to the clock to ensure its safe to send it to me. I take the time to explain on each occassion because good packing is in everyones interest. It means I can recycle what you send and often use the same box you selected to send it to me in.

So its absolutely bloody obvious I should have written a nice picture augmented blog article on how to do it. I am simply going to ignore the fact that I have spent 15 years explaining the same thing in different ways for….I really dont want to think about it. The aggregated waste of time is staggering. So, on with it.

Firstly. the clock is damaged anyway. Even if its just a chain off. That sort of makes it easier when considering what level of padding, and therefore the size of box to use. So use this rule; just make sure every surface of the clock is at least 6 inches.

he average mane knows roughly how big six inches is due to a frequently used biological tool being a point of reference, however, should you have an inflated ego or insecurity, use a school age platic ruler as a ready reckoner.

Padding. You love your clock. You are worried it will get damaged in transit. You assume it is super fragile. Allow me to correct you. The reason you are sending me your clock is, to a lesser or larger degree because it is NFG. NFG is a term used internally by the maintenance and engineering trade trade for “No Flipping Good”. Well, it isnt actually “Flipping” but…use your imagination. Firstly, as an aside, if you ever go to a boot sale, see perfectly good electronic item in a box going for a song, then check for the letters in handwriting “NFG”. Its ex factory returned stock beyond economic repair. My point is the clock is not working already. Its more than likely we will reposition or reset any parts that have shifted in transit as part of the service you contract for us. SO all you need to do is make sure the clock has a bit of suspension shock proofing packaging type, and that theres a gap between the clock and the ousdide of the box to mitigate against sharps piercing the box.

No you have that in you mind just get a box thats big enough or “Lagon” as we say in Swedish (Im Viking decent and Lagon means “Just enough without waste” in its most litteral translation although “Bang on” or “Perfect” said with the hand movements are analagous. Useful word as it contextualises well.)

Cuckoo clocks have chains, moving bits, doors, parts inside that move and are all assembled by hand so that the various modular components are correctly distanced in a wooden case with slight variations in dimensions. This means they have to be bound. If you cant do all this faff then just pack it as described and send it to me at the address on the contact page of this website. You can bring you clock in by appointment if its massive or you just dont trust the post.

These are picutures of how you bind the clock with pliable soft gardening wire.

The picture above shows that the chains are bound so that the chains dont fall off their rather basic sprockets.

We work by standards and laws that sit universally in the bedrock of engineering. Clocks for me are by far the best obsession for the determined fiddler solving a puzzle where all your variables have to be defined by theory and observational diagnosis. Across multiple scientific disciplines that overlap. Not easy and sometimes, within the process the diagnosis is as simple as “ “that is most definitely an *NFG bin job – replace that”. On most other occasions its somewhat more complicated.

*NFG [acronym in common use by technical engineers for identifying boxes containing stored failed components. If you ever see a boxed item with NFG in biro on it, you can assume the goods are Not F……..ulsomely Good]

You have to visually apply formulas as known constants and understand they describe ratios not theories. You have to have working knowledge of the geometry principles for calculating linear and arc distances including torque metrics and direction. Its important to know chemistry because if you put the wrong reactive chemical on the worn surface you have to be bloody good at recreating a seamless and invisible covering. So Art in its Aritisan format . This might be enamel, brass alloy, oil pants, water based paints, laquers and the compatibility of all these things is often an issue that needs a process to overcome.

You cant lean it from books because there are so many combinations. You actually need a broad education or interest at a detailed level in the physical and theoretical sciences. Not sub quantum physics, it is incidental to clocks but not an essential part of the engineering education process.

Its all newton pi pythagoras and torque on clocks.

That said molecules and chemistry comes into it. You cant silver a dial without knowing about the piezoelectric effect. You cant understand carbon steel metal fatigue in springs and check for it unless you understand its arrangement and composition at an atomic level. Once you know that, its easy to spot the amplified effect of this on the physical condition of the steel.

This degradation at different parts of the spring due to its usage on rewinds. This varies. Some parts of a spring may have been wound more frequently that others. This is likely. Many clock owners wind their clocks erratically. This means the top of the springs gets wound and bent more often that the top of the spring. Its the laws of averages reaching a human habitual nexus. Unavoidable for 99|%.. To really evaluate an original spring in a good old clock you have to use a method that incorporates that tests for variable fade. Half the spring may be fine and acceptable for occasional use.

The molecular degradation also matters because a springs resistance power increases exponentially with deformation so the centre end of a spring is far more likely to be the point of failure but Ive seen them snap halfway through. At any rate a lot off energy gets released in a very particular way which I will come to.

Most springs do not fail because they have been overstretched. They fail because the molecular bonding that allows their elsaticy breaks atomic bond, by atomic bond over time. This breakage is more prevalent around seams of carbon that are mixed into it to provide a sort of spongy elasticity. Seams of weakness are seeded, connect as they randomly expand, form fractures and integrity fails with a bang and a clock bill.

Unfortunately it usually doesnt stop after the bang. Another thing can happen in that bang, which is an age in the time it takes different forces to build up and release together. Read on.

What then happens is in classic Newtonian format. The conservation of energy is applied. So why is this important or relavent?. Well its because Newton tells us most wisely that we have angular conservation of momentum. We also know from Newton that energy is conserved and tranferred by physical or electromagnetic radiation. On this we are talking physical energy. Kinetic (moving energy – the faster something hits you the more it hursts – more energy), and potential energy (the energy you have to use to get an object from still to moving). To work out how much energy is transferred by the spring break you take the amount of torque energy generated at a tangent to the centre i.e. onto a severly geared down second pinion (a small cog with thick teeth equivalent in circular distribution distance to those on the larger cog – huge torque join).

Ill just do the basic maths here of how much power is tranferred in one go. So you take torque normally generated had he spring been unfurled over time. So thats all the energy it would have taken to keep the pendulum swinging for say 2 days. The velocity issue here is to do with the fact that there will be some give in the gear train when the spring snaps to dampen the shock. But this is a questionable damping force because it allows he momentum of he mass of he whole cogg drum to come into play. So now as well as 2 days operational torque being delivered in a fraction of a second, you have a fraction of a second for the mass of the brass spring barrel in which to rotate very very quickl under huge accelleration force. The amount it moves may be small but the punch it packs when it tranfers its force is disproportionate to the assumptions one might make. In short this means his means Newton again. Force = mass x acceleration applied to the barrel mass in addition to the torgque force created in an instant.

Its outrageous proportional acceleration making the momentum impact force of the cogg teeth quite high all things considered despite its modest scale. The result is that the teeth get stripped from the main barrel like corn under a crop circle UFO. The teeth fold down. Attempting reformation is more like miraculous resurrection. You have to find a way to get a new one, either old spares or make one or talk to your god. We have it covered however.

If I’m just speaking gibberish to you I apologise. The result of all this explanation is that you now know that when a spring snaps there is about a 50/50 chance you may need a new barrel. Some are available spares, some are still made, most old ones have to he lathed out and wheel cut which is a fortune.

For me this is just a fact of life but for you, well, if you got this far you must have at least found it interesting. I really enjoy explaining things in an accessible way but I feel I may have pushed the envelope on this one and if I have bored you I apologise.

We are busy doing all this stuff and I just dont get the time to pass on my work examples or self help or comment posts. Im probably going to do more theoretical and background stuff rather than practical stuff from now on, but even in he article above is an awareness issue which in itself is a contribution to the knowledge base generally.

When I look a the considerable things we have achieved I am reminded that my skills are modest in comparison to the makers of some of the clocks I work on. Challenges are contemporary and have different meanings in different times.

Take the statue of Liberty. Made at the same time as many of the clocks we work on and repair. No boast-able moving parts. I would not have liked to be the engineering specifier on that one.

architect talking to structural engineer: “How thick does the copper have to be on the arm plate bearing in mind it might get hit by a tornado. Shutup. We also dont want the arm to fall into the Hudson due to overweight, and we want to save money on copper. Don’t forget to factor in the three laws of thermodynamics and futurise [made up management word] how this will effect the structural tension of a copper balloon welded round an iron hedgehog holding a Cornetto”.

Oh we repair a lot of cuckoo clocks as well. I just like them and do most of them. We have spares and manufacturer accreditation for the UK.